Red Sox Crap Advent Calendar, Day 3 of 25

Yes, it is a 12-ball set of Red Sox ornaments in a candy cane case.

Red Sox Crap Advent Calendar, Day 2 of 25

Red Sox Crap Advent Calendar, Day 1 of 25

Yes, it is a Red Sox Christmas tree skirt

Red Sox XMas Crap Friday: Christmas Village

Red Sox Crap Friday: Red Sox Baby DVD

OK, if you have to teach babies to like baseball with a $20.00 DVD “featuring the voice of Ben Affleck” then the sport is not inherently entertaining!

Red Sox Crap Friday: Three Ball Gift Set with Towel

Yes, that is what this gift set is called. The towel is a nice added touch when you are giving the gift of three balls.

And the obvious question is: If you like baseball so much, then why are you playing golf?

what a diva! a letter to the editor

Over the last several months, for reasons too bizaare to go into right now, I have taken on a mission to discover what if anything baseball has to offer to those of us who, so far, just don’t care.

This is why I was reading Chris Collins’ article, Freesport: A Cancer in the Clubhouse , and it was why I had any idea who Manny Ramirez was. I think maybe this type of reporting about sports is what turns so many of us off to “America’s past-time”. Obviously Collins compares Ramirez to a cancer. A bit of an overstatement. People with cancer may disagree. I suppose it depends on the cancer. Let’s assume Collins means some sort of skin cancer that only requires laser removal of an unsightly mole. OK, maybe Manny is a skin cancer.

But look how Collins describes the seven million dollar deal the Red Sox made to get rid of Ramirez:

“If one were to view this particular deal in the context of a street crime, the Red Sox management would most likely be classified as a victim of aggravated rape.”

Um. I don’t think so. First of all the Red Sox management is like really really rich, so who really cares? Second of all, why do we have to see this deal in the context of a street crime? Sort of degrading to people who have actually survived aggravated rape, not that most of those actually happened on the street. Why can’t we just compare it to…something else. Anything else.

I’ve been involved in a lot of community theater. When we run into someone like Manny Ramirez, we just make the W sign with our hands and go “What a diva! Who does she think she is?”

I’m tempted to do the same thing to Chris Collins and the editors at the Advocate.

Sincerely,
Glenn Johnson
Greenfield, MA
http://apathynation.wordpress.com

Red Sox Crap Friday: Red Sox-Themed Lottery Tickets

If you weren’t getting ripped off enough buying actual Red Sox tickets, you can now waste money buying tickets that won’t even get you in the game.

“I Sing the Songs” on the Bill Dwight Show

Well, song actually. Bill Dwight and his lovely producer Jaz Tupelo had me in this morning to talk about baseball apathy live on WHMP. (Click here to listen to the full interview. I’m on the 2nd half of the show.) Red Sox fan and morning radio host Monte Belmont had been on earlier this week to talk about the Red Sox and to lament the loss of Manny Ramirez to the Dodgers. I’m pretty sure it was the Dodgers anyway.  After Monte played his rendition of Barry Manilow’s “Mandy” as a way of recovering from the loss, I had to come up with a response.  At the end of the interview I sang about baseball apathy -live and a capella – to the tune of “I Write the Songs”.

Because I know you can’t last another moment without it, here is the full text of the song. Print and save for your next karaoke party.

I Am Just Bored

To the tune of Barry Manilow’s I Write the Songs

I’ve been at your water cooler,

And I know how much you love baseball.

You act as if I give a damn about it.

You’re all “Red Sox!”

And I am just bored.

I’m bored by games that make the whole world cheer.

I watch those games; I swear I’m bored to tears.

I’m bored by games that make the grown men cry,

I’m bored to tears. I’m bored to tears.

My glazed eyes stare back blankly

And you’re going on and on and on.

I try to see things from your side,

But I’m bored again, even though I really tried.

I’m bored by games that make the whole world cheer.

I watch those games; I swear I’m bored to tears.

I’m bored by games that make the grown men cry,

I’m bored to tears. I’m bored to tears.

Oh but baseball makes you rant

Statistics that you can chant.

As you talk RBI’s you start to shake

Baseball gets you off

Kinda cute but I’m gonna barf.

You’re a fan, but not me.

It’s for you not for me.

It’s just not my cup of tea.

I’m bored by games that make the whole world cheer.

I watch those games; I swear I’m bored to tears.

I’m bored by games that make the grown men cry,

I’m bored to tears. I’m bored to tears.

You like baseball and I am just bored.

John Hodgman’s Advice in Audio

On my July 22 post, I wrote about getting some advice from John Hodgman. I have now discovered how to share the audio recording of it with you over the inter-nets. Enjoy.

John Hodgman’s Advice